Yahoo Movies Reach Me: Is This The Worst Trailer of the Year?
We’re only at the halfway point of 2014, but we’re confident in proclaiming the first trailer for ‘Reach Me’ as the worst trailer of the year.
It’ll take something pretty spectacular to beat this first look at the Sly Stallone drama. The film’s cast list reads like a check-list of washed-up 80s stars… and rapper Nelly.
And is it just us, or is the film’s plot barely decipherable? You can watch it in full above.
According to IMDB, ‘Reach Me’ is: “A comedy/drama centered on a group of people who all have a connection to a self-help book authored by a reclusive former football coach.”
[Read more: The 13 Best ‘Sin City 2’ Trailer Moments]
Written and directed by b-movie specialist John Herzfield, ‘Reach Me’ has had a troubled production from the start with one of the film’s investors backing out during principal photography. Stallone and the producers then raised $250,000 on crowd funding site Kickstarter to finish the film, but then got cold feet cancelling the fund-raising campaign. The eventually raised $181,140 using Indiegogo in order to finish the film.
We’re not sure if the film’s tagline “There’s no stopping someone who will stop at nothing!” is a reference to the film or the film-makers themselves, but here’s our blow-by-blow account of how this first trailer goes down.
00:03 - “There’s no stopping someone that will stop at nothing.” We don’t really understand this tagline.
00:05 – C-list star Thomas Jane – check.
00:14 – ‘Country Grammar’ rapper Nelly, sans plaster stuck to face – check.
00:18 - Bare–bottomed prison spanking.
00:22 – That bloke off ’The Departed’ - check.
00:24 – Disgraced actor Tom Sizemore – check.
00:28 – Cary ‘Robin Hood: Men In Tights’ Elwes – check.
00:33 - “If today always feels like yesterday, then guess what? You’re what needs fixing.” Erm… what?
00:37 – Kelsey Grammar with a tache – check.
00:44 – Tom Berenger – check.
00:55 – Sly Stallone – what the heck are you wearing?
01:10 – Is there anything sadder than a dog licking tears off man’s face?
01:14 - “You’re using the law as a shield.” “I can’t help it.”
01:22 - “You’re a finger painting. Be a masterpiece!”
01:43 - “Are you staring at my lip?” “Yeah, I was thinking about how soft it felt when you kissed me.” Vomit.
02:04 – Terry Crews? Check.
02:05 – Danny Trejo? Where did he come from?
02:16 - “It’s not about people, it’s about… people.”
'Reach Me' doesn't have a UK release date yet.
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