The Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga gossip shows we are infantile about art

Did you see Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s intimate Oscars duet? The award for most crazy in love IRL definitely belongs to them, OMG. That’s what people are saying, anyway. Many tweeted that they are waiting for Cooper to leave his long-term partner, the Russian model Irina Shayk, so his romance with Gaga’s character in A Star Is Born can become real. When did we lose all desire to distinguish between art and life? Why do we want to own celebrities’ souls, imprisoned in hashtags and gifs and gossip, regardless of the human fallout?

Even other celebrities, that wise and reserved tribe who should know better, are speculating wildly. Mel B told Piers Morgan that Lady Gaga may have broken the “women’s code”. The comedian David Spade posted a picture of the duet on Instagram, with the Wildean caption: “Is there any chance these 2 aren’t fucking?” When Cooper’s ex-wife Jennifer Esposito wrote “Ha” underneath the post, it led to a Krakatoa of speculation. One celeb channel frothed up the incident by claiming Esposito was “weighing in” on the gossip. Since when is “Ha” weighing in? I “Ha” when I go to press a lift button at the same time as someone else, or push a pull door.

Are Cooper and Gaga in love? Well, duh. Look at their chemistry on stage, gazing at each other while singing for each other for minutes on end, for hours, for geological epochs. They are so in love, they don’t care that Jamie Foxx is right there, or that Billy Porter is wearing the best dress ever designed, or that Sophie from Peep Show has won an Oscar, which, as has been pointed out, is the most Mark Corrigan thing that has ever happened. That starry scene doesn’t exist for them. The world doesn’t exist for them. They are so in love, it’s unreal!

Of course it is unreal. That is not normal behaviour: it’s acting. They are actors, acting at a ceremony that showcases the best acting. Embodying transformative moments, on cue and repeatedly, is what acting is all about. It requires a strong connection between performers, which Cooper and Gaga clearly have, but technical discipline too: an awareness of cameras and sightlines, continuity, timing. The ability to be at once lost in a moment, and totally in control. It is a quality often defined by its absence. That’s why it is easier for Rami Malek to (not undeservedly) win an Oscar – because the yardstick of mimicry is an easier one for people to get their heads around.

So B-Cups and the Baroness of Gaga are comfortable looking at each other. Vulnerable, able to share their deepest selves. That doesn’t mean they are desp 2 bone 4 real. The pair have spoken often about their friendship while promoting their film. They have spoken of their shared Italian-American background, the way they eat spaghetti on the porch. She helped him grow confidence in his musicianship; he did the same for her acting. Their relationship is a perfect exchange, which is what gave A Star Is Born its magic. In sharing these stories in interviews, both performers know the power of the narrative and its grip on us. Cooper and Gaga, sitting in a tree! S.E.L.L.I.N.G.

Which doesn’t mean it’s fake. They respect each other and work well together. Maybe they do want to rut on their pile of awards and money; I don’t know. But we should recognise that #friendshipgoals and #creativegoals are just as important as #couplegoals. It’s just that the gossip isn’t as compelling. If Cooper and the mother of his children were to split, I doubt it would be because of Gaga. She’s a Lady, after all. It would be because of the rest of us, pointing and posting and whispering: “Are they doing it yet?”