Everyone hates Velma the lesbian detective. Is she really an insult to Scooby-Doo fans?

We live in a hyperpartisan world where nobody can agree on anything. And yet, every now and again something comes along that bridges political differences and brings people together. This latest unifier appears to be a Scooby-Doo spin-off, Velma, which is targeted at adults. Whatever their political persuasion, everyone seems to hate it. (Except, rather weirdly, the Guardian, which gave it four out of five stars.) The cartoon premiered last week to mostly abysmal reviews. Things are so dire that there are even conspiracy theories swirling that Mindy Kaling, its star and an executive producer of the show, made Velma terrible on purpose in order to make the left look bad.

Why would Kaling do something like that? I have no idea. My understanding is that she probably didn’t and that people are just getting angry online because people like getting angry online. The left appears to be angry at Kaling because she once liked a tweet by JK Rowling, which supposedly means she is an irredeemable transphobe who should be cancelled immediately. The right, meanwhile, doesn’t seem to like the fact that Velma is a lesbian in the show and Kaling is a brown woman. One rightwing comedian called it “openly racist against white people”. Other people are saying the series is “insulting to the Scooby-Doo fanbase”. The series really touches pretty much every aspect of the culture wars.

I’m afraid I can’t give you more insight on Velma than that because I haven’t actually watched the series and I never will. No offence to Scooby-Doo, but I have no desire to see an edgy adult version of it. You know what I would like, though? To get paid for turning beloved children’s cartoons into controversial adult cartoons. It’s just too easy, isn’t it? Inspector Gadget: we’re going to make him have depression and a substance abuse problem. Road Runner: we’re going to make him a demisexual racist. Popeye: we’re going to make him an incel. Get in touch, Hollywood! There are plenty more ideas where those came from.

• Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist