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Exclusive interview: With her England career at an end, Tamara Taylor wanted a new challenge...Everest

Tamara Taylor played in a Sevens game at Everest's advanced base camp at an altitude of almost 6,500 metres
Tamara Taylor played in a Sevens game at Everest's advanced base camp at an altitude of almost 6,500 metres

Sometimes the best way of exorcising your demons is to face more. This was Tamara Taylor’s choice when she realised her England career was drawing to an end. As her mind swirled with worry and self-doubt, the second most capped England player of all time - of either sex - decided that it was time to face Mount Everest.

This is not a metaphor. Taylor really did decide to launch an assault on the world’s biggest mountain, and while she did not reach the summit, she now has the distinction of being part of two world-record rugby matches, including a sevens game played at Everest’s advanced base camp at an altitude of almost 6,500 metres.

“Mentally and physically, it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life,” she says.

It is typical of Taylor that her answer to trying to banish the self-doubt which had plagued one of the most successful women in rugby was to put herself under more pressure.

Team-mates on the LMAX Exchange Everest challenge, in aid of children’s rugby charity Wooden Spoon, included former Wales international Shane Williams and England’s Lee Mears and Ollie Phillips. Speaking to Williams, Taylor realised that she was not alone in seeking another adrenaline hit after losing the thrill of international sport.

Tamara Taylor on Everest
Tamara Taylor on Everest

Everest provided it, although the expedition itself was not without controversy. There have been calls to limit the numbers scaling the peak after pictures emerged of a queue forming on the Nepalese side of the ascent, together with climbers having to pick their way through piles of rubbish, and the bodies of those who had perished in their own attempts.

Taylor’s group opted to scale to advanced base camp on the north face of the mountain from within Chinese Tibet, taking one of only 200 permits allowed every year to climb from that side. Not only was that a quieter route, it also meant that they could find enough space to set up a rugby pitch.

Not that the adventure was without its grim side. “There is a graveyard at base camp,” Taylor says. “It is a bit away from where you are staying but there is definitely an eerie feeling, as there are lots of big black crows flying over the graves.”

If the mental toll was severe, the physical one was excruciating. Seven of Taylor’s 25-strong group suffered so much from altitude sickness they had to quit early, and Taylor did not escape its effects.

“One of the days, when we were first in base camp and we tried going for a trek, I couldn’t even walk, my head was so bad,” she says. “We had to end up turning around and I had to go back down with one of the Sherpas. I just thought, ‘We are on day one, I am not going to make it’. That kind of doubt about whether I was going to make it was going through my head every day and that was pretty mentally tough.

Tamara Taylor on Everest
Tamara Taylor on Everest

“Sometimes self-doubt is your best friend and sometimes it is your worst enemy. It is a daily struggle and being on Everest brought it home for me because I had that little battle every single day in my head. I kept thinking, ‘I’m not going to make it, I’m going to let everyone down, I’m going to be the first person to come off this mountain’.”

Those battles were a reminder of the mental struggles which had affected Taylor in her playing career – as she worried about her performances and having to impress coaches every day.

“I am definitely a big self-doubter, but to have my own doubts combined with someone selecting you, or trying to come back from an injury, that is not a great combination towards your mental health.

“Self-doubt is not something athletes ever really talk about during their career because how many coaches want to hear about players doubting themselves? It was never something I talked about much with any of my coaches because it requires quite a bit of trust from both sides. In an ideal world, that athlete-coach relationship would allow for it, but I don’t think you get that ideal world in many sports.”

It was a far from an ideal world for Taylor at the 2017 World Cup, which seems to be the beginning of her slide into what she describes as a “negative” frame of mind.

Tamara Taylor (centre) is tackled by Alev Kelter of USA during the Women's Rugby World Cup - Credit: getty images
Tamara Taylor (centre) is tackled by Alev Kelter of USA during the Women's Rugby World Cup Credit: getty images

“In the first pool game I wasn’t in the match-day squad. That was a real low point because I felt like my World Cup hadn’t started and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t involved. I felt I needed the game time and I wanted to start the World Cup with the rest of the girls.

“I do think a female athlete thing is that we want to know why something has happened. I just think generally if you are given a reason for selections, if you don’t personally agree with it, you need an explanation rather than, ‘It is what it is’.

“I am definitely one of those people that need an explanation. I am actually a very logical person, so some sort of explanation would have helped put my mind at ease.”

She adds that although a sports psychologist was available during the tournament, she is unsure whether players got the most out of the support. “Whether the players accessed the sports psychologist or felt like they could access her the right way or as much was needed is probably up for debate.”

These difficulties were compounded during contract negotiations after the World Cup, as Taylor was straight back into her day job as a community rugby coach. It was during this period that she sought advice from Restart Rugby, the charitable arm of the Rugby Players’ Association, which provides free counselling.

Tamara Taylor during Barbarians Women training - Credit: getty images
Tamara Taylor during Barbarians Women training Credit: getty images

“I didn’t enjoy the following season with England because it is difficult being a player rep and a player. It was difficult trying to balance all of that and then at the end of the season, having to go in for the surgery on my ankle, it just all knocked me out a bit emotionally.”

She remains angry at how the Rugby Football Union handled the withdrawal of contracts for XVs players. “There should have been some sort of support for us coming out of the contracts. I am not sure how that would have looked, but for certain players it was a harder hit than it needed to be.”

Taylor played a key role in the negotiations with the RFU about reinstating contracts, a decision which was finally confirmed in September, with the deals kicking in at the start of the year.

“I just wanted to help make things better, whether it involved me in the future or not. I knew things couldn’t go on the way they were and I just wanted to try and make sure that all the girls’ voices were represented.”

Taylor is in a better place now. Having returned from injury, she has just completed another season at Darlington Mowden Park Sharks in the Premier XVs, and lined up in the Barbarians Women side who lost 40-14 in the historic first match against England at Twickenham last weekend, as part of her testimonial year, organised by her fellow international players. She is also completing her Level Four coaching badge.

“I want to be able to show other female athletes in all sports that they can celebrate their careers. Hopefully this is the beginning of a better and happier time for me.”