The Platinum Pageant, TV review: pretty faultless coverage of a wonderfully haphazard, properly British event

Ever the consummate broadcaster, Kirsty Young was able to sum up the Jubilee Pageant in six words.

“Sometimes it was a bit nutty.”

How else to describe a procession that featured a Mr Whippy van, Kate Moss raving on an open-topped bus, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, and a car modelled on an Outspan Orange?

You may remember the BBC’s disastrous coverage of the Diamond Jubilee river pageant in 2012, which reached its nadir with Fearne Cotton enthusing about royal-themed sick bags. Clare Balding later explained that the broadcast went awry because producers had been worried that watching the river process “might be dull”.

No such worries for the Platinum Jubilee pageant. All the BBC had to do was point its cameras at The Mall and let us marvel at the sheer eccentricity of it all.

It started majestically enough with the Gold State Coach and a military parade. Then we changed gear. “Suddenly, this is turning into a proper British event,” said Gyles Brandreth, who joined Balding in the commentary box. “Here comes a touch of madness.”

From this point on, the parade became wonderfully haphazard. Morris Minors, dancers doing the Lambeth Walk, kids doing wheelies, Bear Grylls driving a Land Rover, some Sinclair C5s, a bunch of people with space hoppers (carrying them rather than bouncing on them, which seemed a bit of a missed opportunity). A Bollywood wedding theme, a Mexican Day of the Dead theme, Northern Soul dancers, hippies and punks, someone dressed as the Duke of Edinburgh’s boat, a woman dressed as a giant pineapple.

A section called Dames in Jags did exactly what it said on the tin, with Dame Joan Collins giving her most regal wave and Dame Prue Leith helpless with laughter after her car broke down and had to be pushed along by cheery volunteers. A procession of buses carried stars from across the decades, and it’s fair to say that the Nineties bus was the one with the party atmosphere: Kate Moss in a Union Flag jacket, arms in the air as she danced with Patsy Kensit. Her Royal Highness Naomi Campbell remained seated.

Why was Chris Eubank on the 1940s bus, or Caroline Quentin on the 1960s one, or Heather Small representing the 1970s? It was never really clear why they had chosen these celebrities and not others; or why Ed Sheeran performed outside Buckingham Palace today, rather than Saturday night’s concert. But as a random roll-call, it couldn’t be beaten. Joe Wicks, Angela Rippon, Anita Harris, John Torode (“What’s the world without a sausage roll?”), Bonnie Langford, Lorraine Chase, Peter Purves and Valerie Singleton, the Wombles, the Beckhams (for some reason hosting a lunch as if they were royals themselves).

Prince George looked baffled by the whole thing, and who could blame him? It was all too much for a woman seated behind the Prince of Wales, who couldn’t help falling asleep. Perhaps she was a guest at Buckingham Palace last night: Roman Kemp, one of the BBC’s presenters, revealed that Palace staff had called time on the party at 3am by turning the lights on.

The BBC coverage was pretty faultless, as it has been throughout the Jubilee weekend (compare and contrast with Phillip Schofield’s inane ITV commentary from Windsor a couple of weeks ago). Aside from Gyles Brandreth, Brigadier Greville Bibby of the Coldstream Guards and Scott Mills as commentators, it was an all-female affair: Young anchoring the proceedings from her floating bandstand in St James’s Park, Anita Rani and a high-energy AJ Odudu out and about meeting the crowds.

It is a pleasure to have Young back in broadcasting, and hopefully we will see more of her if her health allows. She has the ability to switch from serious to silly – presenting alongside a toy corgi – without viewers ever seeing the join.

Of course, the need to fill airtime led to some minor gripes, such as marvelling at the Prince of Wales holding grandson Louis on his lap, as if the Royal family are usually incapable of normal human behaviour. And Len Goodman’s reminiscences about his nan’s disdain for curry powder and coronation chicken – she considered it to be “foreign muck” – led to a very BBC apology later in the show; Balding solemnly telling the audience: “This is a live show and unrehearsed, so if anyone was offended by comments earlier then apologies.”

The Queen, determined not to let us down, appeared on the Buckingham Palace balcony. Then the cameras found Savannah Phillips and Mia Tindall bopping away in the royal box to Dancing Queen, swiftly followed by images of Sir Cliff Richard and Basil Brush. As Brandreth said: a proper British event.