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What do we really know about the enigmatic Carrie Symonds?

Carrie Symonds - Barcroft Media
Carrie Symonds - Barcroft Media

Never mind The Crown, the next series we cannot wait to see (even if it is a year or so off) is This Sceptred Isle, a Sky drama focused on the first wave of the pandemic and how events unfolded in Downing Street. Kenneth Branagh plays Boris, the script is based on insider accounts, but we’re most excited at the prospect of seeing Carrie Symonds brought to life by Ophelia Lovibond.

Carrie remains something of an enigma, to say the least. There are hardly any pictures of her, and her reputation veers, depending on your point of view, from haughty power behind the throne to bunny hugger. Really, there’s very little for Lovibond to go on, so we’d like to offer some tips on How to Capture Carrie, having given it some serious thought:

The stridey walk

We couldn’t help noticing that when Boris and Carrie walked to their polling station last week, she was stepping out like a woman going to milk the cows and he was struggling to keep up.

Soppiness with dogs

One thing we do know (probably) is that what Dilyn wants Dilyn gets. Never mind curtainsgate, the rescue dog has cost Boris dearly in household damages, but can do no wrong in Carrie’s eyes.

Being indulged

We have reason to believe (curtainsgate) that Boris feels about Carrie the way Carrie feels about Dilyn and, were she to suggest they moved their main residence to Lambeth Palace/adopted a donkey and kept it in the garden of No 10, he would do his damnedest to oblige.

Health, diet and image consciousness (to millennial standards)

We’re picturing Carrie doing flash sweeps of the flat to uncover secret stashes of chorizo and cheese and banning red wine during the week. Also educating Boris on modern priorities, eg: the need to recycle, wear sun cream, talk about your feelings, refresh your vocabulary (sex workers not prostitutes, women not girls, clinically obese not porkers). We’re pretty sure that Carrie devotes a small part of every day to ticking off Boris for not taking certain stuff seriously and for cheating when training.

Having the tastes of a 33-year-old

On Desert Island Discs Boris picked The Beatles, The Stones and The Clash – all music written before Carrie was born. We think Carrie is more into the tunes of her youth, such as Gnarls Barkley and Mika.

Getting the wardrobe right

Carrie never has any flesh on show. Her style is Prairie Sloane, covered from throat to mid-calf, dressy and feminine. We have seen her bare forearms, but not a glimpse of décolleté or shins. The hair is important too: never a glossy mane, always natural, sometimes accessorised with a full Ranger padded hairband.

More observations as and when we get the chance.

Is it just me…
David Walliams ex - Dave J Hogan/Getty Images
David Walliams ex - Dave J Hogan/Getty Images

Who has noticed that we’re entering exes reunited season? David Walliams has been seen out with old girlfriend Keeley Hazell and, in the same week, J-Lo and Ben Affleck (engaged back in 2002) have been papped together. The One That Got Away Syndrome is most prevalent as summer approaches, and 70 per cent more likely to occur during a pandemic, when many people are thinking – “Oof, bored of this, but how to find a date in these circs? Oh. I know how to save time…” We predict a slew of exes reunited any minute now, starting with Brad and Jennifer (if only).

Is it OK to…

Alex Higgins - Shutterstock
Alex Higgins - Shutterstock

Point readers in the direction of Gods Of Snooker (BBC iPlayer) for a reminder of just how much the world has changed since Alex “Hurricane” Higgins was the twitching genius of the sport in the 1970s and 1980s? During matches, the players and the entire audience chain smoke. Higgins downs drinks (27 vodkas in one match), squares up to officials and sometimes after a match is unable to stand unassisted. You start it thinking, “Those were the days!” but end up wondering how they let it happen, and feeling grateful that the nanny state banned smoking. He died at 61, of course.