Strictly’s BBC centenary special was a self-indulgent damp squib

The BBC slapped its own back so hard, it nearly knocked over one of its flagship shows. Strictly Come Dancing (BBC One) marked the corporation’s 100th birthday with an embarrassingly awkward, frequently nonsensical themed episode which did the dancing no favours at all.

This centenary special saw our 12 surviving pro-celebrity pairs hoofing through Auntie’s rich history. Musically, this meant a playlist often unsuited to the dance styles. Choreographically, it led to too much “messin’ abaht” with clumsy storytelling and gratuitous props. Eight of the dozen songs were instrumentals. Nine couples saw their scores go down. These stats weren’t unconnected.

Many routines were overwhelmed by their concept. Foxtrotting outside the Queen Vic? Get out of my pub. A paso doble on the Apprentice boardroom table? You’re fired. Waltzing around a Line of Duty police interview room? Mother of God, fella. It was like something dreamed up by the marketing numpties on mockumentary W1A.

Molly Rainford’s streetdance was so hamstrung by its Grange Hill theme that even judge Motsi Mabuse called out the unsuitable music. Unforgivably, the routine didn’t include a sausage on a fork. Mr Bronson and Bridget “The Midget” McCluskey wouldn’t approve.

More successful were the couples who embraced the madness and played it for laughs. Ellie Taylor’s Casualty tango was enlivened by a spoof medical drama segment which was so deliciously camp, it even made Craig Revel Horwood laugh. Tony Adams cemented his status as the contest’s cult hero with a Grandstand cha cha cha full of sporting equipment, if not Cuban content. Jayde Adams paid homage to her comedy heroine with a Charleston to Victoria Wood’s Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let’s Do It). It was joyous, despite an absence of hostess trolleys or flame-proof nighties.

Tied at the top of the leaderboard were the two Hs – and we don’t mean the bent copper from Line of Duty. Helen Skelton opened the show with a cheeky Charleston to a ditty close to heart: Barnacle Bill, aka the Blue Peter theme. Here’s one we choreographed earlier: slick, quick and even featuring sticky-back plastic. Her only equal was wildlife expert Hamza Yassin, whose Arctic quickstep was sunny enough to melt the ice caps and bring its CGI polar bears out in a sweat.

An ambitious group dance saw the professional troupe throwing shapes on the sets of 14 other BBC shows, with the likes of Huw Edwards and Graham Norton joining in. Much-missed former Strictly host Sir Bruce Forsyth appeared on a giant TV in the ballroom. Nice to see him, to see him nice. Venerable newsreaders Moira Stuart and Angela Rippon both made cheering cameos. The studio audience was full of “BBC stars” – mainly meaning EastEnders actors and Radio 2 presenters.

The theme wasn’t just stretched, it was applied inconsistently. Some song choices were straight-up TV themes, while others were tenuously connected pop songs (ABBA and Imagine Dragons, we’re looking at you). The wig department had its busiest week yet. So did the word “iconic”, which can rarely have been so misused. Surely the licence fee can stretch to a scriptwriters’ thesaurus.

This self-regarding centenary bash had the potential to be either a heartwarming triumph or a laboured mess. Unfortunately, it proved the latter. Thank goodness it’s 100 years until the next one.