As Jamie Redknapp remarries, how do you move on from an ex you still love?
It can be painful when an ex remarries - and even more so if their new partner is young, beautiful and pregnant. This week, former footballer Jamie Redknapp married his heavily pregnant partner, model Frida Andersson-Lourie, 37, three years after divorcing singer and actor Louise Redknapp.
The couple's wedding was private and low-key, with a ceremony at Chelsea Old Town Hall followed by a dinner at chic restaurant Scotts of Mayfair.
Louise broke up with Jamie in 2017 after appearing on Strictly Come Dancing, though her later regret was well-publicised. She has said that it "simply wasn't worth putting anyone I loved or love through the heartache".
Co-parents to sons Beau, 12, and Charley, 17, the former couple have remained on good terms, but Louise added, "I still wish I'd done things differently because I feel like I hurt a lot of people and I'll always be sorry for that."
Louise admitted that Strictly gave her a taste of the showbiz life she'd been missing as a stay at home mum. "For so much of my married life I was extremely happy”.
"But bit by bit, I began to unravel. I felt as if I was a spectator watching my life unfold; I was losing myself and felt very lonely. The lives of everyone around me were so fast-paced whereas mine felt stagnant.
"For a long time, I ticked all the boxes of being the 'picture-perfect' wife. The truth? For a lot of that time, I actually felt lonely, anxious and unimportant.
"I was so scared about going back to normal life and losing what I’d achieved on the show”.
"Looking back, I wish I'd sat down and really tried to explain how much I was struggling, how unimportant I felt in our lives together and how depressed this made me feel.
"I wish I'd been honest and said I felt unloved. I never spoke about how things were at home to a single soul.
"The loneliness had just ebbed into my life , but I ran away from it, refused to face it until it was too late to try and sort it out."
Read more: Harry Redknapp 'pleased' to become grandad again as he confirms son Jamie's baby news
Despite her regret, Louise is positive about her ex husband. "I still love him. After 21 years together how could I not still love him?
"We have a great system co-parenting (the boys) between us," Louise explained to Hello Magazine soon after the split. "Our rule is that while one of us is working, the other is with them.
"We both want the kids all the time and encourage the other to go out so that we can have them. We share everything, too."
Before Jamie met Frida, Louise said, "on Christmas Day we do the presents together, they're from us both. Maybe this works now because neither of us is in a relationship, but I like to think it will always be like that."
"He's the father of my boys. Jamie's a great dad and is very proud that our sons love me so much. He has old-fashioned values and tells them to respect and love their mum."
Watch: Louise Redknapp attends the Evita press night
In her memoir, You've Got This, Louise also explained: "If I'd done the show four years earlier, this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have walked away from my marriage.
“I wish I’d tried. I want to say to anyone thinking of running: Just slow down. Don’t run.
“Because once you run too fast, you can’t make up the ground you’ve lost.
"Stop, say what you think, don’t be afraid to say what’s really going on.You don’t have to be quiet.”
Jamie has now moved on - seemingly very happily, while Louise is currently single.
Read more: Louise Redknapp says she's been ghosted on dating apps
"Over the last two years all my energy has gone into my boys, my career, making a new home and feeling confident," she said recently.
Her openness is admirable, as is her public support for her ex husband and his new wife. But getting over a much-loved ex can be hard - particularly when they have seemingly moved on to new life and love, and you haven't.
"We all get triggered when our ex moves on. Particularly if we’re not in a contented new relationship ourselves," says therapist and former family lawyer Annmarie Carvalho.
"When this happens, trying to hold in your mind the reasons why you broke up with them becomes as elusive and slippery as jelly.
"It’s as if our minds suddenly go blank and all we can remember are the good times."
To avoid drowning in sorrow and regret, she goes on, "it’s really helpful to keep a notebook of all the reasons why you broke up. You can carry it around with you (careful not to leave it anywhere, particularly where your kids might find it!) and add to it as things come to mind during the day.
"Then, when you’re having your vulnerable times, pick it up and remind yourself of the reality of the relationship."
It's also important to keep an eye on your trigger moments.
"Become aware of what your most vulnerable times are. For some, it’s the evening when they are most prone to wistfulness. For others, it’s that jolt of loneliness when they first wake up in the morning.
"Make particular efforts to ‘mind yourself’ during these times," she advises. "That could mean asking a friend to call you at that time every day. Or getting out and treating yourself to your favourite overpriced coffee.
Watch: Louise Redknapp 'contemplated suicide' amid divorce
"If you’re more aware in advance of your most vulnerable moments, then when they arrive they’re not so unsettling."
Finally, says Carvalho, "remember that neutrality is the most powerful state, not anger or defiance. Your job is to show neutrality towards the situation. Even, at a push, grace. You won’t necessarily feel like that, but protect yourself by making sure your ‘outsides’ don’t match your ‘insides’.
"Fake it til you make it. And there will come a day when you realise that the neutrality you have been faking for so long has, over time, become your reality. And that way lies freedom."
How to move on
Relationship therapist Rhian Kivits says:
Remember that every relationship is different and works for unique reasons. You haven’t been replaced and your ex hasn’t found someone better than you.
Choose relief over rumination. See this as an opportunity to truly let go, once and for all.
Talk about it with a therapist or close friend. It helps to voice whatever feelings come up rather than keep it all in.
It also helps to avoid bad-mouthing your ex or cursing their relationship publicly, though, which may just make you look bitter in the eyes of mutual friends.
Distract yourself by focusing on your own life and business, even though it’s tempting to spy on your ex via Social Media or peek at their new wedding photos.
Your priority is your own life and it helps to take a positive stance on your future rather than focus on what you’ve lost or left behind.
Acknowledge that however you feel about your ex remarrying is okay. But remember that feelings are only temporary and even if you’re feeling uncomfortable about it, this will pass. Be compassionate with yourself and understand that you’re going through a process.
Notice who loves you, who is there for you and know that you’re also moving on with your life.
Watch: How to get over a breakup, according to science
