Goldilocks And The Three Bears review: Indecently good fun

This indecently enjoyable show feels like panto as war. From start to finish the audience is strafed with smut by the big guns of Julian Clary and Paul O’Grady. Pincer movements of charm are mounted by TV sofa jockey Matt Baker, panto dame Gary Wilmot and Nigel Havers in a furry fat suit as Daddy Bear.

Variety acts and a division of dancers hurl themselves gleefully over the top. You might as well surrender. I loved it, but I do wonder if they tone down the bondage jokes for family matinees.

There’s been a trend in recent years for pantos with proper plots and relatable characters. Not at the Palladium, though. The slender fairytale of Goldilocks is shoehorned into a story of two warring circuses, partly so that Lauren Stroud’s tap-dancing baby bear can join a bill including impressive comic ventriloquist Paul Zerdin, a magician, two roller skaters and a mad act involving four motorbikes roaring around inside a latticework globe.

But mainly it’s so that Julian Clary can have the role of, wait for it, Ringmaster. It’s a part he deliciously milks for every fluid ounce of innuendo. A series of architecturally camp costumes ensure he gets a warm hand on his entrance every time.

Baker, who has impressive circus skills, and sunny Sophie Isaacs as a barely sketched Goldilocks, are two more butts for his sardonic barbs. O’Grady, as sadistic rival circusmaster Baron Von Savage, seems almost restrained, but only by comparison. There are giant animatronic animals, a bravura showtune medley from ­Wilmot, some rigorously drilled big dance numbers and refreshingly few topical jokes. As for the costumes, I doubt there’s a sequin or marabou feather left on Berwick Street.

There’s a place for pantos with proper stories but also for the vulgar, celebrity-stuffed, cross-dressing, dance-and-grin version. It’s the art form we Brits have made our own, God help us.

Booking to January 12 (020 7087 7747, palladiumpantomime.com)