In the new status wars, shoulders now outrank cleavage
It was Donna Karan who first observed that shoulders don’t age. Technically speaking, I suppose she was wrong. But in every other sense that matters, she was bang on. Shoulders , even if you’re a packet of fags a day woman who’s pinned her body to the mast of a Caribbean yacht for the last four decades and would rather follow the litre and a half of wine a day mantra than the litre and a half of water one, chances are, your shoulders are holding up relatively valiantly.
Cleavage on the other hand, has fallen from its heady high in the 1970s when Halston, that titan of louche design, (semi) dressed glamorous figures of the day such as Bianca Jagger, Elsa Perretti and Liza Minelli in swirly dresses slashed to the navel. And no, in case you were in any doubt whatsoever, no bras. It was the 70s, remember.
Cleavage’s main problem is that after Jagger et all, it just became ubiquitous. Katie Price, Theresa May , Jackie Smith – the vastly distracting plunge neckline was everywhere. Now, the only folk that cleavage can count on is the Kardashians (yawn) and Love Islanders. And that’s only because the latter are mostly in bikinis. Every other self respecting millennial is in a floppy sailor collar or those overwrought Victorian necklines that make you look as though your head’s directly attached to your stomach.
Light beige, £24.99, H&M; Rosalind Tiered Midi Dress, £72, Boden; Red off-the-shoulder dress, £45, Esprit at Next; Blue, £161, Remain Birger Christensen; Dusty pink, £193, Goya at Wolf & Badger
A far wiser move is to adopt dresses and tops that graze the shoulders, remember to moisturise your shoulders and if you like, mix in a few drops of your favourite highlighter or luminser (a good one for this is Boots No 7 Skin Illuminator, £12.50 which also works as a primer on your face).
The benefits of shoulder grazing are so plentiful I’m bound to miss some out. Suffice to know, they keep you cool (even if every other part of your body is covered up). They accentuate the wideness of your shoulders, which in turn makes everything else – everything – look slimmer. Some of them can also be worn on the shoulder – how thoughtful is that? They’re playful without looking twee or silly. They never really go out of fashion. They say classy, insouciant and understated. And there are plenty around, at every price.
Lisa Armstrong's column appears each Saturday in The Saturday Telegraph and is published online every Saturday at 6am on Telegraph Fashion.
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